What In the World?

Photo by Daniel Schludi on Unsplash

Because my mom Is 97 and has covid, I’m feeling a lot of stress.

It is clear that I am not clear about what is next, or what I should be doing next. As her POA, I have been paying her bills for years. And I have developed a close relationship with the financial group that handles her investments. It is easy to know when bills are due. I understand disbursements from her retirement account.

And I know she never wants to invest in any company that sells tobacco products.

But covid at her age is still not straight forward, even though the strains are less deadly now. And despite the positive covid test, she has not had a fever. But in the past three days, she has not been eating and drinks very little water.  Actually, she prefers Ginger Ale from a straw. And what she drinks helps keep her lips moist.

Yesterday evening, she did eat a couple of bites from her grilled cheese sandwich.

This doesn’t really count as eating. And sometimes, she forgets what to do with food, after she gets it in her mouth. This is the most alarming part of getting her to eat. Next comes not remembering how to swallow. A very upsetting business.

She has said she has been ready for years.

And even if I say I am ready, the reality will be very different for me when it occurs. All other projects I have been working on at home are taking a back seat to what is playing out in mom’s memory care unit. With two sisters and a brother, we are all taking turns being with Mom.

I went to see Mom early this morning and am back home before going to work.

There are many projects I want to get involved in, but I find no appetite for any of these. Even working with the trees in my orchard is not calling me. And as I sit in my home office typing on my laptop, I can see that the room needs attention. In spite of all I have at home, I cannot find one project in which I am interested.

I’m sure you did not hear the phone ring, but that was my Peer Advocate from On Our Own.

Often, I employ my high-functioning (or concealed) depression strategies and keep things rather positive. Today was not one of those times. I laid out what was going on in my life and reported the facts of the situation.

I’m thankful that she did not ask “how does that make you feel?”

Most likely I would have thrown up. And then never take a call from her in the future. But nothing like that occurred, and I was able to hear what she was saying. I believe that she truly is keeping me in her thoughts. Plus, she is thinking about Mom, too.

Looks like I have dawdled enough that I can start getting ready for work.

I will leave this with the idea of writing something different tomorrow. There could be a significant improvement in my mom’s condition. But that outcome seems unlikely. So, we will all do our best to make sure Mom has what she needs to be comfortable.

Being at work will be a welcome diversion.