Some days it is a pebble and the hill is hardly noticeable. Other days, it is a boulder and the hill is more of a mountain, that ascends almost vertically from the valley floor. During these days, my depression is everything. Concealing it and acting to the world like nothing is wrong takes all my energy. And I mean every single ounce of energy I can muster to keep people … [Read more...] about Every Day I Push the Same Rock Up the Same Hill
What depression has cost me
I Do Not Give A Hoot Today
But I really want to care. Somehow, I need to jump-start my recovery again. All I seem to do is to be going sideways. I am not allowing myself to be honest about what is going on inside me. This puts me back to being “evergreen,” not letting my depression show. I do this at a great cost to myself. So, I am beginning to see how much damage depression can cause when I … [Read more...] about I Do Not Give A Hoot Today
Why Am I Pulling Back into My Shell?
Just because you called me, I don’t have to pick up the phone. Or why do you assume I will open the letter, just because you thought it was important enough to send? I see the letter you sent me; it is on my desk where I keep all my new correspondence. But receiving it and doing something with it are two different things. Your needs are not the same as my needs. In a … [Read more...] about Why Am I Pulling Back into My Shell?
I Am Tired Of Being Tired – Part II
Today has been much like most recent days. Certain topics are not on my radar. I am clunking around in a daze, hoping that the answer to why I am feeling blah will pull me aside and reveal itself to me. Why is life so empty? Why can’t I get it together? Where is the piece I am missing and how do I get it? I hit every single stoplight on my way to my doctor’s appointment … [Read more...] about I Am Tired Of Being Tired – Part II
Memorial Day Festival is Canceled? How Is That Possible?
Canceled implies something was going to happen, but now it is not. For example, “school is canceled because of heavy snow.” This is clear. School was going to take place, but now it will not because of the snow. Small towns all over the country have canceled Memorial Day. No parade, no floats, and not a bit of rhubarb pie. Public swimming pools are not opening. There … [Read more...] about Memorial Day Festival is Canceled? How Is That Possible?