It appears that I am very bad at it.
I would like to think that I have a knack for working with others and inspiring them to do their absolute best. And often this is true. Most of the managers, supervisors, and employees that report to me seem to get my ideas and execute them. Perhaps it’s because I treat them the way I would want to be treated.
I also can inspire relative strangers.
Vendors and contractors seem to respond to what I need. Now it is very possible that this relationship works because I am paying them to perform a service. Whether it is installing a replacement “over-the-stove microwave”, or replacing the carpet, the result is clear to all. More importantly, I am quick to provide whatever they will need to make their job easier.
So why can’t I do that with those I love?
What makes me become selfish and take for granted the other person’s point of view? And what makes me want to plow forward, without seeing what the other person is doing? Am I just being selfish? Or is it more of a control thing?
Whatever it is, it is not an endearing quality and I need to stop.
There is a good part though. Today I am thinking about this. For years, I am sure I have been doing this without even realizing it. Now there are times when I just have to say “ we need to leave right now.” As an example, if we did not leave in the next few minutes, we would miss the train into the city. And then we would miss Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade.
Now that was a moment where making a decision paid off.
But taking control of a project and pushing ahead without regard for what the other person is doing is just bad manners. And it reduces the desire for those close to me to get involved and help me with future projects.
I cannot blame this on my depression, but I may try anyway.
Without changing my attitude towards those that are helping me, I cannot change the outcomes. But by valuing those who choose to spend time helping me, I need to be more thankful, and more flexible in my thinking.
It turns out, I can even learn things by having another perspective.
By putting my control issues on the back burner, I can better share experiences with others. And I want to be better at this. Plus, I do enjoy the company and the ideas others bring, especially family.