• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact

“I Suffer From Depression.” Here’s What I Am Learning.

End Child Anxiety
You are here: Home / Books that help me / I’m Doing What I Can Right Now

I’m Doing What I Can Right Now

April 13, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

I'm doing what I can, but feel guilty for not doing more

Yet, I have the feeling I should be doing more.

Not a healthy feeling, but a feeling none the less. There are a couple of tax items I need to put together.  I spoke to my account and confirmed the extended deadlines, which is helpful this year.

Even during my deep depression last year, I had gotten my taxes done early. This year has been a chore.

READ MORE: Why can’t I open this letter?

The cab of my truck desperately needs a deep cleaning.

Long-distance commuting is disrupting my rule of “don’t eat in the truck.” There are a banana peel and two apple cores in the driver’s side door pocket. Salt from the occasional pretzel is caught in the seams of the bucket seat. And I will admit it, once in the past few weeks, I went to Wendy’s Drive Through Window and got a small Frosty. The empty cup and spoon are still on the passenger side floor mat.

The truck really needs washing and I need to decide about purchasing the grille guard.

The cost is $395. My deductible when I hit the deer last November was $500. If I can keep a future deer collision a minor impact (keeping it out of the grille and radiator) I think the price justifies the expense. So why do I still have the grille in my shopping cart at the vendor’s website? I should be doing more about this.

I am calling my 92 year old Mother every day, again.

Visits have been me calling on my phone in the parking lot near the gazebo, and Mom answering the phone in her second-floor room which looks out over the parking lot and the gazebo. My siblings and I have been doing this for weeks, some of them go most days. Packages are left in the foyer and taken to her room after we back slowly away, without making any sudden movements.

Her Assisted Living Facility is doing a tremendous job of keeping Mom and the other residents safe during the pandemic.

I feel guilty for not doing more. The past year had been a challenge, with much time devoted to figuring out me. Having enough energy to give to others has been a struggle. Getting out of bed has been a struggle for months. Lately, I have been working on adjusting my attitude towards sleep and when I get up. While it is still a work in progress, I am not as stressed about when I get up.

I call home during my lunch or dinner break.

Some days, my wife and I talk for 25 minutes, the bulk of my break. Yet I feel guilty for not talking longer. That underlying feeling of guilt is still an unhelpful thinking style I am battling. The past 8 weeks have been more guilt-free. But I’ve noticed it is creeping back into play, again. This is not good news other than I am recognizing it well before I circle the drain.

Am I really doing what I can?

In the end, that is all I can decide. And even that is hard. Being more than a little hard on myself, I am critical of just about everything I do, have done, or will do. This unneeded pressure on myself to operate at a level no mortal soul could expect is where I have placed my bar. Not 10% better, like a great book I’ve read, Mediation for the Fidgety Skeptic.

So, where does this leave me?

Right where I was when I started writing. I’ll need to put my Big-Boy pants on and just finish the taxes. The truck cab I can clean out when I stop for gas. The feelings of guilt I am experiencing will need an attitude adjustment on my part. This will be tougher than the discipline I need to finish my taxes, which right now doesn’t seem like it will happen before I must get ready for work.

READ MORE: I bumped into my old self this morning

Do It Now.

That has been a guiding principle for many years. Why I am slipping away from this is worthy of exploration. I’d hate to think that I am reacting to the uncertainty of COVID-19 and the general angst in our communities. I pride myself on being my own thinker, not following the crowd. Yet, I am wearing a face mask and washing my hands frequently.

I’ve got a couple of hours before work, let me see what I can do about completing the taxes.

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Last year, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder.

If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share.  And your comments are always appreciated.

Filed Under: Books that help me, Covid19, Featured Home, My life goes on, Unhelpful thinking, What depression has cost me Tagged With: anxiety, covid-19, Covid19, depression and anxiety, depression is not my boss, mental health, Mother, pandemic, self care, stress and anxiety, taxes

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder.  I am genuinely determined to figure out my personal relationship with depression. With 40+ years of living with concealed depression, I write my blog to find answers. 

I once got so carried away searching for answers that I even earned a  certification in  SMART Recovery. 

https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4

Get my latest posts, (your email is never sold or rented)

I developed a 38 Page Mental Health Tools Flipbook. Complete the Form and Get Your Free Copy Now.

Privacy Policy

Discover Self-Care, Coping Strategies, Understand Anxiety, Track your Triggers, Mood, and Sleep; Recap Therapy Sessions, and more.

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Depression has me catastrophizing instead of celebrating my CPAP results

My Depression Has Me Catastrophizing Instead of Fixing My Sleep Problem

March 19, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Flomax or Wellbutrin, or Prozac have helped and also made it harder to get out of bed with a CPAP machine and depression

Why Am I Having Trouble Getting Out of Bed Again?

March 17, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Your Page Title
Best Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs - OnToplist.com
RSS Search
sitepromotiondirectory.com latest-links

Blog posts that go back to my 5 East time almost 4 years ago

  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • I’m Gaining Weight – Can I Blame My Depression?
  • My Depression Has Me Catastrophizing Instead of Fixing My Sleep Problem
  • Why Am I Having Trouble Getting Out of Bed Again?
  • I Feel That I Am Missing Something Important
  • Why Must My Depression Decide What I Really Want or Need?

Search

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma