I have been there and have ignored the obvious.
I’m not saying that I have buried my head in the sand, but the idea is very familiar. I can remember thinking to myself, “If I check my balance, I will spiral out of control.” Or worse, I remember thinking not knowing made me feel better than knowing.”
But next week, the problems were still there.
And because I ignored them for a week, the problems were now larger than they had been a week ago. Only now the bill was due in three days, not nine. And the wiggle factor had shortened by a week. “You know the wiggle factor, right?”
The wiggle factor is a correction factor used in various fields, particularly in transportation and quantum mechanics. (Wikipedia)
The wiggle factor for me is the chance to make a different decision about something coming up.
I used to squander it, and then wonder why I only had three days to come up with a solution, instead of nine. One of the toughest things I have done as an adult is to face my checking account every week. But having done it for a while, I am now used to the feeling. Better, I can face my checking account without flinching.
I’d like to think that “For some of us, myself included, money isn’t a math problem, it’s a mental one.”
When I feel anxious, I search for financial certainty. But money, at least mine, can be unpredictable. And when I don’t have enough information, my brain begins to fill in the blanks, and it does it with the worst possible scenarios. In the end, I avoid looking at my bills, making it a coping strategy. And, you guessed it, it always backfires even when I lie to myself and say everything is ok.
I’ve found that avoiding money reduces short-term anxiety but increases long-term fear.
For me, traditional budgeting methods make my anxiety worse. There are too many moving parts. Instead of looking at three things, a complex budget could have over 20 sub-categories. And many current budgeting systems are Apps, so you are always just a flick away from updating something.
And let’s not even talk about the shame attached to many budgeting tools.
How can you make decisions about what bills to pay when you have no control over what happens? Many budgets I have tried leave me feeling worse about my money than before I started.
I’ve always felt that more structure isn’t the solution; the right kind of structure is.
Before I write more, I want to be sure you understand what I am writing about. Heck, I want to understand what I’m writing about.
• Rumination = spinning mentally without action
• Awareness = brief, intentional check-in with boundaries
When I ruminate about something, it can be as simple as checking my online banking App 12 times a day. Nothing changes in 45 minutes, but it serves to ratchet up my anxiety. Being aware of an issue is being able to control the issue. This awareness involves ONE calm, 10-minute check-in per week.
Giving my budget a structure creates containment; without it, my mind runs wild.
And when my anxiety ramps up, running wild borders on the ludicrous. (Actually, that’s ludicrous speed. Thank you, Space Balls, the Movie.) To calm my anxiety about money, I resort to my 10-Minute Budget. It gives me the understanding I need to calm my brain.
My Simple 10-Minute Budget works for me because it has a predictable routine.
10 Minutes, once a week. This gives me a clear start and end date. No more agonizing over hours of budgeting chaos. For me, 10 minutes or 5 hours always reveal the same thing. Having a defined time limit helps me see the big picture without getting lost in the tall grass.
I know I’m teaching my brain that “Money has a place and it does not need to live in my head all day.”
So, here’s what my weekly check-in looks like. I start by making a hot beverage (Thank you, Big Bang Theory). Then I look at the three numbers:
- What came in
- What went out (including the must-pay bills)
- What is honestly left over
I look at the numbers without obsessing over them. I remind myself that I am aiming for the best I can do, not perfection. Each week, I try to make one adjustment that will help everything get paid on time. I always set a 10-minute timer, and I more or less hold myself to it. Even if I do 14 minutes, or sometimes eight, I’ll never let it turn into hours.
Most weeks, I end by reminding myself that the goal is not control, it is containment.
I am always adjusting my budget to my mental state. There are weeks when I can only make sure the must-pay bills get addressed. This helps me stop catastrophizing over my money. And it helps me avoid not looking, because once I finally do, I am emboldened and feel less shame about how I am handling my money.
But most importantly, I remind myself that I will never totally stop being anxious, but I do not need to be controlled by it. I log my progress in a Google Doc. So, it is not the old-fashioned way. But it’s not an APP, either.
I often need to remind myself that a system that respects my financial anxiety is a healthy system.
And I always remind myself that I am not broken. And as important, having Anxiety (or Major Depressive Disorder with Suicidal intentions) does NOT disqualify me from managing my money. I deserve to spend 10 minutes once a week seeing what is going on, without catastrophizing over every number.
In the end, ten minutes with my money is better than seven days avoiding it.
I’m Joel Quass. I mostly write about mental health issues. Recently retired, I am writing about Simple Budgeting. I believe this is where I ask for feedback or comments.
BTW, I made a quick Budgeting PDF with steps if you want it: https://quassninja.gumroad.com/l/rstlpx
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