30 Days in Retirement; wow, the month went by so fast.
It has already been 30 days since I retired. And we are celebrating a New Year, 2026. My original plan was to retire very early in 2025. I realize now that I kept pushing back the actual date because I really enjoy what I am doing. It turns out I really enjoy solving problems within company policy. And I love the teaching I was getting to do.
But I finally decided that I was not going to work after I turned 70.
This meant that the day after Thanksgiving would be my last day. But I also didn’t want to leave mid-week. I finally settled on working through Thanksgiving eve. Thanksgiving morning, we would fly to Boston. While we have done this for the past three years, this year we wouldn’t need to fly back Friday night so I could work the weekend.
This meant I either had to be back to work on Sunday or call out.
So, my official last day was Wednesday. I told both my Boss and the AGM who would cover my “call out” that I would not make it on Sunday. And the employees went through a retirement bash on Wednesday, complete with cake and balloons. So, we flew to Boston on Thanksgiving morning and had dinner with my grandkids, my son, and his wife.
Saturday night, I texted my boss and told him I would not be able to make it on Sunday.
And I copied the Assistant General Manager, who was going to cover. At that point, I had fulfilled my obligation and spent Sunday in Boston. We didn’t fly home until Monday. This was my first day of retirement. Day two would become the “checklist day.” I ended up with 17 items on my list. Although I ended up completing all 17 tasks, I spent the day whirling from one task to the next.
Day two of my retirement was not retired at all.
It was almost three weeks before I slowed down. And I finally understood the first tenet of my retirement. It didn’t come to me in a clap of thunder or with a marching band wailing as it went down the street. It was rather a subdued affair. And it was subtle enough that I could have missed it. That week, there was a lot going on.
Rule #1 is: You cannot control what happens, but you can control your attitude towards it.
I am certain there will be other rules in time. When I was depressed, and I retired almost seven years ago, I had no plan. And within a year, I was in the hospital suffering from Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. I was 63 at the time, now I am 70.
After 14 months, Costco took me back as a Senior Manager.
And within a year, I was back to being an Assistant General Manager. So, a year back quickly turned into 7. And I kept pushing my retirement back. It turns out I enjoy solving problems within company policy. And I loved teaching. But I began to recognize that I was only giving 100%, not 110%. And other managers I grew up with were already retired or had announced their retirement date. And I also have a toolkit full of understanding about depression. So, I may have dipped at times, but I am far from stuck “up against the wall, with no visible way forward.” Even my therapist feels that I will not go back into major depression this time.
Somehow, this retirement feels different.
Maybe it’s having grandchildren. In fact, one of them was suddenly trying to type over what I was writing. Thank goodness I saved, then saved, then saved again. Now her Aunt, my daughter, is reading Blueberries for Sal to her. So, I will try to finish up.
Back to retiring, I am excited this time.
Last time, my depression had pulled the secrecy clause, and I retired with only one discussion with those who depend on me. This time, I have tried to be transparent and keep everyone informed. This transparency has included keeping everyone up to date on my status. And put me on the path to document the first 30 days of my retirement.
It turns out I am thinking about retirement these days, not how I can stay busy.
I understand that I did not have a plan last time. I had a vague idea that degenerated into my circling the drain. And it was this feeling, or actually the complete lack of feelings, that led to my checking into 5 East.
My therapist and I are working on that. Technically, I should be proud that I have been able to put my depression on hold. I am still getting used to the idea that my depression always has my best interests in mind. I am learning that my depression is using the tools available. When I was in the jaws of depression, my depression had much less to work with.
There are times now when I feel guilty for feeling better.
More on my depression, wanting the best for me after I get more information.
For now, know that I am doing well and that my retirement is going well. I am starting to get the hang of this retirement thing. And I will write about this aspect of my depression from time to time, especially as I learn more about it.
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