Making changes in my attitude towards events should be easy.
The power goes out at the house. I can cry about it, saying things like, “well that’s just great, now I cannot work on the computer.†Or, I can say, “power out? No problem, because I have the generator on the porch and I can run the refrigerator, a light, the TV, and the internet. And by running the plugs a certain way my computer works, too.”
It is easy to blame others and say, “I can’tâ€
Mostly this is in relation to “what they say.†I am still trying to understand who they are, but this doesn’t stop, even me, from using this to shift the blame away from myself. After all, if the situation is out of my hands, it cannot be my fault. How can I be expected to know what to do when they say it is pointless?
Putting my depression in perspective, I know I can only control one thing 100%
I cannot control when and how depression attempts to get under my skin. I cannot control the tools, ideas, and sneaky parts of my depression.
But I know I can control my attitude towards these attacks of depression.
In fact, I am getting better at recognizing unhelpful thinking. Some thought pops into my mind and before it can get out of my mouth, I can see that it is an attempt to time travel or minimize success or some other unhelpful thinking style. And sometimes, I say it and realize within seconds or minutes that this was just depression helping me make an unhelpful choice.
This morning, I am doing an OK job of focusing my mind on my attitude.
I have a meeting I must drive to this morning. And I need to be on my game when I get there. It is easy to say things like, “it’s a set-up, they will call me out for something, I am not as good as they think I am.†And right away, depression has set me up for failure. Depression makes me feel ashamed to be me, to have the ideas I have.
Worse, depression makes me feel I am not good enough.
Mustering up my strength, I am facing my depression this morning and letting it know I am in charge. I make the rules about my attitude, and I say it’s going to be fine. Depression is not getting me today. The rock is not that big, and the hill is not that steep.
