• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact
  • SHOP

You are here: Home / Featured Home / Why Do I Think in Terms of All or Nothing?

Why Do I Think in Terms of All or Nothing?

June 28, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Concealed depression keep me in unhelpful thinking styles

I tell myself I avoid drama, and yet many of my waking hours are spent creating all or nothing situations in my head.

 I interrupt someone and get a short response. Immediately, my mind goes to the worst possible meaning of that response. They don’t love me. They’re mad at me for something. What did I do?

And silence is even worse.

My depression uses silence to get between me and my family. Depression will say “they didn’t say anything just then, so there is no hope of you living a balanced life with them. It would be better for you if you moved out, bought some land, and put up a Yurt.

If I can’t get the exact response I expect, then there is nothing left.

Immediately, I am alone. Thinking about this, I am painting myself as the victim. Consciously, I try to never be the victim. I do not engage in negative self-talk. My mind stays on the positive when I am speaking. But behind the curtain, depression is working to make sure I know that no one loves me but it. And I must listen to depression to keep myself safe.

Having listened to depression for most of my adult life, changing my thinking is not easy.

READ: 28 weeks into recovery, now I have residual depression?

I have learned about unhelpful thinking styles and have made progress in catching myself when I engage in that type of unhelpful thinking. Yet, for every success I have, there are two all or nothing thoughts that are developing in the background.

There was a lot of stress in the house leading up to yesterday’s virtual baby shower.

I knew that in my conscious mind and made sure I asked what I could do to help. But depression had already seized this tension to get me thinking all or nothing. If there is tension it must be my fault. It must be all my fault. And that means I must escape, to keep myself from creating more tension.

So, in my mind, I am distancing myself from everyone and interpreting any interaction in that all or nothing style.

When depression pulls out the all or nothing card, my mind starts down the road to me being alone. This makes it easier for depression to steer me towards the abyss. Or at least, circling the drain. I forget all the tools I have learned to examine this type of thinking. My subconscious mind is mulling over how to run. It reverts to fight or flight, and it has had enough fright.

On the surface, I am acting like nothing is going on.

Remember, I am an expert at concealed depression. I put on my high-functioning depression face and hit the ground harder than ever. No one is to know that I am feeling isolated. There is no reason to share my feelings with those I love. Only depression has a true answer to my problems. And depression will only give me that answer in private. And I must promise to keep it a secret, to never tell anyone.

Depression thrives on secrets.

And I have done my share of keeping its secrets, sometimes from even myself. Once I was an expert at concealing my depression from others, I focused on ways to conceal it from myself. This just reinforced my depression and over the years has helped it develop into the circle the drain episodes. And often, I was supporting this without realizing I had made depression all and normal thinking the only thing I was thinking.

Identifying this is only the first step to correcting this type of thinking.

READ: I’m still breaking up with depression

And I only spent five days off the reservation, with depression leading me to its own version of the promised land. And even as I was thinking this way, I was mad as hell. Anger festered as I realized what I would be giving up following depressions lead. Depression doesn’t give a darn about me, it just wants what it wants.

And I become the host for it’s all or nothing plans.

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn. If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

I very much appreciate your comments.

Filed Under: Coping Statements for Depression, Featured Home, Self Care, Unhelpful thinking, What depression has cost me Tagged With: concealed depression, depression, depression and anxiety, Depression Busting, depression is not my boss, depressionisreal, High-functioning depression, my concealed depression, unhealthy thinking styles, unhelpful thinking styles

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Joel Natl Career Fair Bio Pic he's using for my concealed depressionHello, I am Joel Quas 

In April 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. By writing things out, I am learning more about my relationship with depression. 

Joel’s Next Book

The US has a a new 988 system that grabs location, not just area code.
Close×
https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Why Was My Therapist Chuckling At What I Said?

May 4, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Hurry Up And Wait

April 14, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Best Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs - OnToplist.com
RSS Search

All my posts – Be careful, some of my older posts could be triggers

  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • Why Does JetBlue Keeps Pushing Back Our Return Flight?
  • Why Was My Therapist Chuckling At What I Said?
  • Hurry Up And Wait
  • Surprise, It’s April Fool’s Day
  • STILL OK, NOT SAD, NOT MAD, JUST OK

Search

Products

  • Evergreen is the story of my life with major depressive disorder. I write to learn more about my mental health Share The Journey As I Write My Next Book - draft "Evergreen"
  • The Six Second Cover Letter™ The Six Second Cover Letter™ $19.99
  • 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages $14.99
  • 5 gratitude coloring pages from my concealed depression to help reduce anxiety and depression Five - Gratitude Coloring Pages $9.99
  • The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course] The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course]

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma