How I Prepare for a Therapy Appointment July 9, 2019 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment I prepare for my therapy appointments ahead of time by making a written list.Maybe I am a little too prepared this week.There is a lot happening and I want to address how this will affect my recovery. My recovery is still JOB #1. If I am not successful in that, then I am not successful in life. And since I have plans to celebrate my 100th birthday, I need to stay focused on self-care and what is the next best step for me.I have printed out this list to take to my therapy appointment. Below I have shared it with you. I can’t image it will make much sense as you scan it. Random thoughts are flashing through my brain, combined with automatic thoughts that can be the work of depression.I know depression is lurking around at the edges of this activity.I can feel the underlying tension of its presence. It is distracting me from getting any real work done this morning. I feel I must write these thoughts down, so I can address them with my therapist. No more sweeping under the rug.Yet, despite that feeling., I have responded to two clients and made some updates to a client’s resume. I am proud of that, even as I wish I were doing more. I wish I had gotten dressed, instead of working in my gym shorts and a T-shirt. It feels more like a home-office when I dress for the office.I wish I had all the answers.But that’s not how life works and it is surely not how life with depression works. The reality is I will need to choose. I will need to commit, to make a stand, to take that first step.The good news is, I can decide to not listen to depression tell me that the decision is all or nothing. I can choose to not use unhelpful thinking to minimize the downsides of each choice while maximizing the positives.I can ask better questions.I can phone a friend. I can see that there are choices, that depression doesn’t have me up against the wall. It doesn’t have me only seeing one choice, one option while it has me taking a vow of secrecy.There is still time to choose, even though I have already said yes. I have not started, and the company is waiting for the results of the background check. I also have an out in the 1 ½ hour commute. But I feel that if I do not take this position, the door is closing, and I will not get another chance.Is that the depression talking?Perhaps, but I see the odds getting smaller if I say no now that I have committed. What gives me hope that I will make the right choice, in the end, is I have an appointment today with my therapist, and I will have three sessions with different groups this week.By Friday, I will have talked about the choice for almost three weeks. The fact that I am still struggling with the right option after three weeks should be a clue that something about it has not been resolved. So, I am off to my appointment, to see if I can figure out what that might be.My therapy list (thoughts, questions, ideas to discuss) and related thoughts Therapist 2 PM Appointment – lots to talk about– new resume contactExisting client resumes status and completion datesNew job questions?Blog – value?SMART conference SeptemberInsurance and mental health follow up4 ½ year plan –It’s not all or nothingStructure for a while after 14 months of more loosey-goosey lifestyleDo I need the structure?If I haven’t started yet, I can still say no?If I say NO, then I must write resumes and how do I feel about that?I am very good at not only the resume but at explaining what and why people need to do certain things to be successful. The feedback from clients supports that.I can create a course around “Career Confidence”Will I lose that edge if I go back to work full-time outside the home?Can I think about how to use that differently so I can be excited about that type of work?I am finally doing what I said I was going to do 15 months ago – And it is working, because I am finally committed to it and have a new sense of empathy and concern for those I am working with. I am not standing off – afraid to get to know the person. This is a huge improvement for me personally and my clients get the benefit of it and recognize this.It tells me I am different, that I have changed.Take the online SMART training – Someday offer services with themWrite my next BOOKWith the new job, there is a 1 hour and 20-minute drive each way. I have done that for many, many years. I can do it again. I have used this time to think, to dictate notes into a recorder, and to listen to recordings, books on tape and music. The time is not wasted.INSURANCE – New JOB IS INVESTMENT IN FUTUREGoing back to full-time work outside the home is NOT all or NothingWhy is this decision nagging at me?I have decided to go back to a job I have had, I am telling myself the reasons why this would be good for me. Why am I still reviewing the decision?I would need to reduce my business for six months and focus on self-care, and my work out of the home.I would have two days off each week and can structure those to attend OOO meetings and schedule doctor appointments.There will be time to write each day and I must write each day as part of my personal self-care. This has been the most helpful thing I have done for myself. It might be the #2 BEST thing behind meeting with my therapist and going to the OOO Meetings. So, what is scaring me about going back to my old company?Is it that or am I just afraid of change?I have gotten into a routine and I am nervous about change? Maybe.But I know what my days currently look like.The prospect of expanding my health options is a driving concern. I can address my physical body as well as my mental health. Both will be much easier with the coverage available through my employer.Then when I turn 65, I can explore Medicare and see how that works.None of this is forever.Going back will give me a chance to slow down and digest everything I have learned. Just doing that and daily self-care would be living a vacation,The job will be a vacation with structure. And that’s comforting to me. To know what the next six months will look like and plan around that gives me hope and confidence. I can view the next 4 ½ years in six-month pieces and re-evaluate where I am at after each segment. This will keep me from being locked in emotionally to a 4 ½ year plan.It will give me a chance to relax and breath. To continue to learn about myself, and what I need to do to keep depression from being my boss.The choice is to go back to a full-time, out of the house job, or continue to build my home business. Both choices include continued self-care.Thanks for letting me talk. I will use all of this to help me make the best choice for me.Please share, like or comment. I am a sponge.