• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact

“I Suffer From Depression.” Here’s What I Am Learning.

Turnaround
You are here: Home / Medication / I Have Fewer Secrets Taking Wellbutrin – Doing the Drugs Part V

I Have Fewer Secrets Taking Wellbutrin – Doing the Drugs Part V

June 30, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Deprssion loves it when I keep secrets, Wellbutrin is fighting that

Depression is happiest when I am keeping secrets.

It loves when I sneak around and don’t share what it is telling me. All those crazy plan’s depression has suggested to me over the years involve me keeping them hidden from others.

This has included major issues relating to my job. And many minor issues like canceling our back up internet service at the house without speaking to those who were using it.

READ: My depression wants me to keep secrets again

There is no secret that after three weeks on Wellbutrin, depression is retreating.

And I am elated. But this is really making depression angry. And depression is not going without a fight. It never does. Last week there was a day where I felt so alone, I wanted to sell everything and move deeper into the woods. Of course, depression was championing this idea. And it was a secret, I was not to tell anyone. After all, they wouldn’t understand in the same way depression understands me.

It was the end of October the last time I was able to get up without negotiating with myself.

But this morning, after only 6 hours of sleep, I felt rested enough that it was time to get up. AND I GOT UP. There was no debating with myself, no negotiating for an additional 5 minutes. I felt rested and I got up.

Although I have been talking about the positive change Wellbutrin has made, I am still mostly keeping it a secret.

I do not want to jinx it. While the Prozac initially helped, in larger doses, I felt lethargic. Getting out of bed, as you know if you’ve read my older posts, could be a nightmare. And then there was that first hour or two where my head was muddled, and I couldn’t really focus.

Instead of keeping things to myself, I have been more open and sharing with Wellbutrin.

My keeping secrets is one of the best tools depression uses to keep me under its wing. Without secrets, I can think for myself and say what is on my mind. This is beginning to include my own self-care. It’s no secret that I have struggled with this. Much of my life has been driven by guilt about doing things for myself. And depression supports guilt and rewards unhelpful thinking with more unhelpful thinking.

I hadn’t thought that Wellbutrin could make such a difference in my attitude and my energy level.

READ: Is it working yet? Doing the drugs part IV

But thankfully, it has. Going back to my Psychiatrist next week, I will be able to share my success. I will not keep anything that I have felt secret. And I feel confident that I will not revert to concealed depression when we are discussing my progress.

It has been 14 months since I was in the hospital facing my diagnosis of major depressive disorder.

And it has been several years since I have felt like my old self. This is a momentous occasion, worthy of celebration. Depression is trying to tell me that this is a fluke, a one off, and that tomorrow, or even later today I will once again be circling the drain.

But I have 3 weeks of Wellbutrin on my side.

Just don’t tell that to my depression. It’s a secret.

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn. If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

I very much appreciate your comments.

Filed Under: Featured Home, Medication, Self Care, Sleep Issues, Some days I feel like myself Tagged With: depression, depression and anxiety, depression is not my boss, depression treatment, depressionisreal, prozac, prozac 40mg, prozac20mg, secrecy, secret, secrets, self care, self-management and recovery training, Selfcare, sleeplesness, sleepy, Wellbutrin XL

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder.  I am genuinely determined to figure out my personal relationship with depression. With 40+ years of living with concealed depression, I write my blog to find answers. 

I once got so carried away searching for answers that I even earned a  certification in  SMART Recovery. 

Get my latest posts, (your email is never sold or rented)

I developed a 38 Page Mental Health Tools Flipbook. Complete the Form and Get Your Free Copy Now.

Privacy Policy

Discover Self-Care, Coping Strategies, Understand Anxiety, Track your Triggers, Mood, and Sleep; Recap Therapy Sessions, and more.

https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Am I Able to Be Happier, to Feel Joy?

January 24, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Depression almost kept me from summiting mount Kilimanjaro with unhelpful, all or nothing thinking

What Made Depression Almost Keep Me From Summiting Mt. Kilimanjaro?

January 21, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Your Page Title

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • Is My Anxiety Because I Am Still Unpacking from Africa?
  • Am I Able to Be Happier, to Feel Joy?
  • What Made Depression Almost Keep Me From Summiting Mt. Kilimanjaro?
  • 3 Years and 9 Months After Admitting Depression, I Can Say Merry Christmas
  • What I Learned Having Skin Cancer Removed from My Face

Search

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma