Imagine saying this out loud:
“My last bottom was the deepest, darkest, most horrible place I have ever been.”
Yet that was me last year.
Reading through some of my older writing, I came across this line. It reached out and stunned me. How could I have written that? I had no idea I was that bad. It’s no wonder I sought professional medical attention. Reading that again scares me.
And while I hate to read this quote, it is a reminder of how far I have come.
The saddest part of this quote is that I thought this was normal. I thought bad days spanning months, even years was a normal part of life. And while, at some level, I was railing against this, I was accepting of it, as well. It’s hard to see the forest for the trees.”
READ: What is depression and why do I have it?
So, my thanks to every professional who has shown me a different way to live.
The staff at the emergency room, the staff at 5 North, my Psychiatrist, Therapists, Peer Support, and those who I’ve met at On Our Own, who by the way are Superheros. Then there are all the SMART Recovery folks, including everyone I met at their 25th Annual International Conference in Chicago. Plus, my WRAP training, and every other book, article, and video I have used to learn more about MDD.
My goal these days is to live a balanced life with depression. After all, “I have depression, depression does not have me.”
My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.
Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn. If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share.
I very much appreciate your comments.