I’m Glad I Did Not Know How Bad I Was

Imagine saying this out loud:

“My last bottom was the deepest, darkest, most horrible place I have ever been.”

Yet that was me last year.

Reading through some of my older writing, I came across this line. It reached out and stunned me. How could I have written that? I had no idea I was that bad. It’s no wonder I sought professional medical attention. Reading that again scares me.

And while I hate to read this quote, it is a reminder of how far I have come.

The saddest part of this quote is that I thought this was normal. I thought bad days spanning months, even years was a normal part of life. And while, at some level, I was railing against this, I was accepting of it, as well. It’s hard to see the forest for the trees.”

READ: What is depression and why do I have it?

So, my thanks to every professional who has shown me a different way to live.

The staff at the emergency room, the staff at 5 North, my Psychiatrist, Therapists, Peer Support, and those who I’ve met at On Our Own, who by the way are Superheros. Then there are all the SMART Recovery folks, including everyone I met at their 25^th Annual International Conference in Chicago. Plus, my WRAP training, and every other book, article, and video I have used to learn more about MDD.

READ: How I found out Superheros are real

My goal these days is to live a balanced life with depression. After all, “I have depression, depression does not have me.”

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn. If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

I very much appreciate your comments.