2025 has got to be better than 2024
Last year, I lost my Mother, and my wife lost her father. Even though both were in their 90s, the finality of it is still hard to comprehend. And my adult children lost the two grandparents that they had grown up with.
The full year was just a mess.
Even knowing my mother was 96, going on 97 was no conciliation. In the last weeks of March, you could see Mom was getting ready to go. So, we had, well, I had expected to hear of her passing. During Mom’s final two weeks, each of her four children had spent hours with her; in fact, the four of us were with Mom the Saturday before she died.
I am glad I had gone to visit Mom before going to work on Tuesday.
In the middle of that very night, I received the call that Mom had died. I went to her memory care unit and, along with my youngest sister and my brother-in-law, waited for the funeral home to take Mom. At first, I was reluctant, possibly frightened, to be in the same room with Mom’s body.
My last memory of Mom being alive was hugging her, telling her I loved her and that I would see her tomorrow.
As I said, I was happy that I had gone to visit Mom that morning. A few days earlier, I had set up Zoom, so my two sons and their families could spend time with Mom. Both seemed to get a lot from spending time with their Grandmother. My daughter and wife had both seen my Mom recently.
So, when the phone rang in the middle of the night, I shared the news with my wife.
By 4:30 AM I was back at the house. And by 8:00 AM, I was up and making calls. My daughter was the one who initially let my sons, in other states, know of Mom’s passing. And we spread the word that morning to family members and Mom’s long-term friends.
The entire process then consumed several months of 2024.
We had a memorial service in New Jersey so Mom’s relatives could say goodbye. Then we followed Mom’s wishes, and at the end of August, we buried Mom’s ashes next to my father, her husband. Mom expressed a desire 12 to 15 years ago to be cremated and then buried next to my Dad. So, I contacted the cemetery committee at the church, and they noted Mom’s wishes.
As 2024 began, I spoke with each of my siblings privately to confirm Mom’s wishes.
None of them had heard anything different from Mom over the past 12 years. And Mom had mentioned more than once her desire to be buried next to my father. So, I felt confident after her death, planning for her memorial services and burial.
My brother and sisters were a big part of either helping with the arrangements or supporting them.
Seeing now how other families can thwart final directives, it was comforting to know that all four of us supported Mom’s final wishes. I am still amazed that these arrangements seemed to fall into place without the expected jockeying for positions.
And I was very proud of my children, who gave up much to be a part of all of the services.
They traveled to the services, and my oldest even left work and came down for a few days. This was a great support and showed his love for his grandmother. The following week, his wife would give birth to my granddaughter.
This birth was one of my major 2024 happiest moments.
The other was the news that my grandson would have a sister in January of 2025. He is about to be a big brother. He even got the t-shirt that announced it. I suppose, in the grand scheme of things, these events support the “circle of life.”
I will leave the loss of my father-in-law a month or so ago for another time.
Last year was a year of doing what needed to be done. In my mind, I am expecting this year to be much happier. As Mom’s executor, there are still the estates final taxes to be filed. Then I can close out the estate and finalize Mom’s affairs.
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