• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact
  • SHOP

Turnaround
You are here: Home / Featured Home / Just Me and My Depression

Just Me and My Depression

July 7, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss 2 Comments

Who will be my friend if depression and I break up?

If I am “cured” of depression, who will be my friend?

Boy, that sounds terrible as I read what I just wrote. And there are several things that jump out at me about that statement. First, I know I will never be cured.

A broken leg heals, but that is not the same. Researchers are looking for a cure for cancer, healing those who have it. A cure means people will not die from it or suffer painfully. My depression is not curable.

Second, if Depression is really my friend, why does it treat me this way?

Depression wants me to keep secrets, to refrain from talking to others. It frowns on asking questions, preferring I trust it to give me everything I need.

Depression sets up grandiose plans for the two of us, implying this will be great. Then when it all crumbles and I am left circling the drain; depression is nowhere to be found.

Yet I have trusted and listened to depression for over 43 years.

And not once, has depression had my best interests at heart. It revels in my buying into its seemingly well-crafted ideas. Depression knows that I spent my youth fishing. So, it has crafted a technique to attract me.

Dangling a bait I cannot resist, I start to nibble on the hook. Depression knows when to set the hook and when to reel me in. Even today, with all the tools I have, depression still jerks my chain, hooking me with the right bait.

But who will I have if I say goodbye to depression?

Using COVID-19 as an excuse, I have not had a therapist appointment in more than a month. I tell myself that the person on the other end of the telephone is doing a crossword puzzle and not really listening to me.

And guess who created that thought in my head? Of course, it is depression. It wants me to think I have control, but deep down it knows that I am only doing its bidding.

And, if using the new tools and resources I have, I can lead a balanced life with depression, where does that leave depression?

READ: Guess what? I am just like everybody else

Why am I feeling sad for MDD? Under its purview, I have destroyed some of the best opportunities I was given. And depression continues to be jealous of the work I am doing to understand it.

Depression doesn’t want me to work on coping statements or analyzing decisions using a cost-benefits worksheet. Depression gets furious when I ask better questions instead of blindly following its suggestions.

So, the question I have for myself is, will I continue to rely on depression for company, or can I replace it with something or someone more supportive?

Wishing and hoping that this will be true is not a strategy. Once again, I am at a crossroads, where I get to choose. Will I continue to listen to depression, or can I create a more balanced life, where I am more in control of myself?

READ: Why am I afraid to be me?

My track record is extremely poor in this regard. Each time I have gotten to the edge of success, depression and I have figured out that I do not deserve this.

How can I be worthy of success?

Carrying around a lifetime of guilt and shame, there is no room in the bag for success. Depression has told me that, time after time. Why do I continue to fight this? Isn’t it time I just gave in to what depression wants? It would be a heck of a lot easier.

Even while saying this, I know that I can never give up.

When I don’t hear depression, I am successful. I am confident and even deserving of the rewards I am given for all my hard work. There are moments when I understand what my life can be. So, I am still fighting for these moments.

Yet every day, I am pushing the same rock up the same hill.

[ Thank you again Frank King for this concise illustration of depression. Learn More about Frank King Here]

Even when the rock is a pebble and the hill is just a slight incline, the rock, and the hill are always there every single day. And this can be very tiring. But I am still persevering and using what I have learned in the past 14 months to find a way to lead a balanced life with depression.

But who or what will replace all the time I spend with depression?

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn. If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

I very much appreciate your comments.

Filed Under: Coping Statements for Depression, Covid19, Facts and myths about mental illness, Featured Home, My life goes on, Self Care, The cost of success, therapy, Unhelpful thinking, What depression has cost me Tagged With: circle the drain, concealed depression, depression, depression and anxiety, depression is not my boss, depression treatment, depressionisreal, High-functioning depression, Major Depressive Disorder, MDD, my concealed depression

Reader Interactions

Comments

  1. Frank King says

    July 7, 2020 at 10:39 AM

    Gave up fighting depression or battling depression because that implies I can win. I can’t. I can lose by ending my life, and I can tie, in an uneasy truce, like a North and South Korea.
    I take what I call an Aikido approach, and rather than push back or resist it, I blend with its energy. As they say about the Borg on Star Trek, “Resistance is futile.”

    Reply
    • Depression Is Not My Boss says

      July 7, 2020 at 10:45 AM

      “Blend with its energy.” Thinging of my depression in that context makes sense. Thank you for the Star Trek reference, I am a big fan.

      Reply

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder. As I meet others with mental illness, they often tell me they feel alone.

With 40+ years of living with concealed depression, I write my blog to let others know you are not alone. Others are going through the same things.

And I write to share what I am learning so you and I can lead a balanced life.

https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

I write to understand my depression and thereby lead a balanced life.

Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?

September 2, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Even as I have MDD or concealed depression, I am wondering what makes me the happiest

What Would Make Me the Happiest?

August 14, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Are You Getting Enough Sleep?

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Best Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs - OnToplist.com
RSS Search

Blog posts that go back to my 5 East time over 4 years ago

  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • September marks #SuicidePreventionMonth
  • Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?
  • What Would Make Me the Happiest?
  • I’m Still Pushing That Rock Up the Same Hill
  • My Depression Has Me Falling in and Out of Love

Search

Products

  • The Six Second Cover Letter™ $19.99
  • 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages $14.99
  • 5 gratitude coloring pages from my concealed depression to help reduce anxiety and depression Five - Gratitude Coloring Pages $9.99
  • The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course]
  • Write This Down, You'll Need It Later[Amazon]

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma