It’s me again.
I’ve been off for a few weeks, and I need to write again. I wish I didn’t feel like doo-doo. I’m certain that having a severe cold is not making me feel any better. It came on about 72 hours ago. I spent Saturday traveling from the bed to the couch, and then back to the bed.
There are a bunch of things on my to-do list for today.
Getting my laundry done is a must-do. Otherwise, I will not have a clean shirt for tomorrow. And as I sit on the front porch, I can see the bird feeders need filling. Then I see near the driveway that the forsythia hedge needs trimming. Behind that, I see fresh tree limbs beginning to cover the view of one of our bluebird boxes.
My list just got longer without even trying to add things.
My plan was to update one of my older posts, one from September 2019. But I am having a brain-fart today and cannot seem to remember how to copy and paste. So, it’s just like “Columbus in the olden days. I must summon all my courage.” Credit for that is Seals and Croft.” I know that it is not Jessie Collin Young, because he was a favorite of my close friend, who I lost a few years ago.
I’ve even favorited one of his songs on Pandora, so I think of Dave when it comes on.
Back to my not feeling that good. I did get the first load of laundry going. And I started a Post-it note to order Chinese food. And I filled the bird feeders. Then I came back inside and rested again.
I can’t believe that I am so tired, but that seems to be what today has been.
It is a mirror image of Saturday, when I went from the sofa to the bed and back to the sofa. This morning, I just stayed in bed for a few extra hours, mostly because I could, so why not? I was off work, so after a while I got up and went to the couch. This is beginning to sound and feel like a repeat of Saturday.
Now I am yawning and am having a hard time concentrating.
I know that there is something I wanted to explore, but now I cannot remember what it is. I do have something I have been thinking of since my therapy appointment this week. That’s the question of how I want to spend my 70th birthday. Do I maybe want cake or a special meal?
I just realized that it’s been a while since someone asked me what I want.
Sadly, I am not sure that I can answer that. I would be happy with a Funfetti cake topped with whipped frosting. One idea would be to go to Boston so that my grandson could make the cake with me. I can picture this 5-year-old barking orders and keeping the project on time.
He gets bonus points if the cake turns out well, and with him in charge, I can’t imagine it ending any other way.
The point is I get to choose. This means I have a choice. And I get to decide. I haven’t been given any reason to believe that this birthday will be different than most of my recent birthdays. I do have over two months to think about it, but the idea that I get to choose what I want is compelling.
I just wish I had some idea of what I would want.
It appears that I am not very skilled at thinking about what I want. At work, one of my most important jobs is to solve problems within company policy. And a lot of what I do is getting people to say what they want. Once I understand what the issue is, then solving their problem is easy.
Of course, I just took a right turn to work, to avoid thinking about what I want.
Clearly, this is going to take some time. Thankfully, my 70th Birthday is a few months away. But it will be here before I decide what I want. So, I need to start thinking today.
