Joy is supposed to feel simple, right?
But lately, joy hasn’t felt simple. Or easy. Or even something I expect to feel..
If you’ve read My Concealed Depression before, you know I’ve talked about this—how joy, for me, sometimes slips quietly out of reach. Not with drama. Not with a breakdown. Just… gone. Like the volume’s been turned down on life, and I forgot how to turn it back up again.
That absence—that joylessness—is something I now understand as a real sign of concealed, or high-functioning depression.
And it turns out, I’m not alone.
Joylessness: One of the Quiet Signs of Depression
Over the weekend, I was reading CNN’s Five Things You Should Know newsletter (part of my slow Saturday ritual), and a name caught my eye: Dr. Judith Joseph. She’s a psychiatrist who studies joy—and more specifically, how we lose it.
In the article, she said this:
“If you’ve been noticing a joylessness in your life recently, that may be a sign of high-functioning depression.”
That stopped me.
Because I’ve lived this, I’ve been the guy who shows up to work, smiles in meetings, checks every box—and still feels completely flat inside. It’s not dramatic. I wouldn’t say it was explosive. It’s quiet. You’re doing everything “right,” and yet something feels off. And let’s not even begin to talk about the cost of doing this day after day. No wonder I am making excuses to go to bed early.
You’re surviving. You might even be thriving on paper. But you’re not feeling it.
That Moment I Realized I’d Forgotten What Joy Felt Like
There’s a post buried in my archive titled, “Joy Has Been Elusive for Years, But I May Have Found a Piece.”
I wrote it on a day that wasn’t remarkable. It was after I had made dinner. I wasn’t rushing anywhere. The light was soft. The house was calm.
And for a few seconds, I felt… okay. Not on fire with happiness. Just present. Just… peaceful.
That moment stuck with me. Because it reminded me that joy doesn’t have to be loud; sometimes it’s a quiet “yes” in your chest. A brief pause between all the trying. And in those small moments, I feel like I’m still in there. Still fighting. Still human.
The Five Vs and a Way Forward
Dr. Joseph shared what she calls “The Five Vs”—a process for reconnecting with joy. I won’t list them all here (she gets the credit), but they’re rooted in real things: vulnerability, validation, and values.
And reading them felt less like “tips” and more like permission. Permission to slow down. To stop performing. To notice the moments where joy might be waiting.
Because I’ve learned this: Joy doesn’t always show up when we expect it. But it often shows up when we’re paying attention.
Mental Health Isn’t Always Obvious
One of the hardest things about high-functioning depression is that it hides so well. You don’t “look” depressed. And you do everything you can to keep it from being seen. You’re doing all the things everyone expects—answering emails, showing up to family dinners, cracking jokes.
But inside, there’s a quiet disconnection.
If you’ve been feeling that way, please hear this from someone who’s been there:
You are not broken.
You are not weak.
You are not alone.
What you’re feeling is real. And it’s valid.
Joy Isn’t Gone. You Just Haven’t Felt It in a While.
So what do we do?
We keep showing up. We keep writing and talking and sitting with the people who make us feel seen. And we give ourselves credit for the things that may seem small but feel huge—like brushing our teeth, replying to a single message, or taking a walk.
And when joy visits—no matter how briefly—I greet it. I let it sit. I don’t question it. Heck, I am so eager to see joy that I will sit in the corner if needed. I won’t try to trap it. I just let it be what it is: a sign that we’re still here.
