• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact
  • SHOP

You are here: Home / Featured Home / Am I Strong Enough to Publicly Acknowledge my Depression?

Am I Strong Enough to Publicly Acknowledge my Depression?

July 23, 2020 by Depression Is Not My Boss Leave a Comment

Am I string enough to tell the world I have major depressive disorder?

Seeing others openly write about their personal struggles, I am feeling like a weakling.

Their name is connected to their struggle with whatever is happening to them. I have a good friend who is sharing her thoughts about stress and anxiety.  And there are all the celebrities who have come out and shared their stories about living with depression. Plus, the stories about celebrities who have taken their lives and had suffered from depression.

While I have been brutally honest with what I am saying, I am writing under the alias of Depression Is Not My Boss.

READ: How do I tell people I have Depression? Or should I?

This is where feeling like a weakling comes in. Unhelpful thinking places all kinds of fearful thoughts in my head. If I tell people, something bad will happen. I will feel ashamed. I already feel guilty that I have depression. There are days where I feel having depression is my fault and if I just did …, it would go away.

But my depression has been with me for over 40 years.

And my concealing of it has been going on for those 40 years. There is a lot of history between depression and me, but depression prefers to keep it a secret. And I dutifully complied for over 40 years. As I keep saying, if I had figured out a way to hide my latest trip to the abyss, I would have done it in a heartbeat.

Depression is painful and costly in so many ways.

But doing the same thing and always thinking “this time it will be different,” was the way I handled each episode of depression. Ending my life was much too frightening. And until last April, seeking professional medical attention for my depression was unthinkable.

Depression keeps telling me that it is all I need.

The more secretive I can be about my relationship with depression, the better it feels. My relationship with depression has waxed and waned over the years. Making it harder to admit I have depression was the fact that I was not calling it depression. I was hiding how I was feeling (or not feeling) from everyone, especially myself.

So concealed depression is a habit and breaking that habit is troublesome.

Having confidence in myself to share my relationship with depression openly is one thing. Putting my name to the information has been a label I haven’t been able to share. Unhelpful thinking has me catastrophizing any sharing of personal information with the world. Depression and I compromised when I began publicly journaling, writing blog posts, about my depression.

Begrudgingly, depression has let me share, but only if I didn’t use my real name.

READ: My 300th Post Sharing My Life With Depression

I have written openly and honestly about suicidal ideation, circling the drain, being up against the wall, and my struggle to find a medication that helps me lead a balanced life. Working out my struggles on paper has been very therapeutic. Writing down my thoughts helps me see how to move forward.

But putting my name to the work feels different.

 I know many people who have broken arms or legs. Wearing the cast was almost a status symbol. “Look at me, I broke my leg, but I will be OK.” Twice I have broken bones in my body. Both times, it was one of my ribs. There was no cast, no proof of the injury.

As a teenager, I was riding in the back of a pickup truck when a sudden stop threw me against the corner of a metal toolbox. It was two days before I went to the doctor and discovered I had broken a rib.

And about 10 years ago, I had put up my extension ladder against the house on the back deck of our two-story home, so I could re-point the chimney (use cement to patch around the chimney flue).  I raised the extension ladder and then thought about the trowel I would need. This distraction kept me from locking the ladder in place.

Climbing the ladder, the second time, I got six feet up when the ladder contracted.

My hands were on the side of the ladder as I bumped back to the deck, saving me from breaking all my fingers. I bounced once when I hit the deck, then I fell against the metal chiminea. From there, I fell prone to the deck. I could feel my chest throbbing and taking any kind of a deep breath was excruciating.

But I had a plan to repair the chimney and I wasn’t going to let the pain stop me.

I put the ladder back up, secured it, and climbed to the roof, and made the repair. As I came down, I saw that I had put a major dent in our metal chiminea. After putting all my tools away, including the 28’ extension ladder, I was still having trouble breathing.

So, I took myself to the emergency room, where the x-rays revealed a broken rib.

My depression is much like a broken rib. I can feel it, I know it is there, but unless I tell someone, they really cannot tell my rib is broken. Now I do know my concealing depression has never been 100%. My major meltdowns have been documented in the minds of others, and their thoughts are clearer than what depression had me believe.

While I know this is not true, I tell myself no one can see what I am going through.

My relationship with depression has me believing that we are the only two who understand me. Depression wants me to stay with it forever as my only confidant. Yet even today, depression is plotting its next idea for me, hoping it will have me circling the drain. So why am I afraid to put my name to my depression? I have shared my depression with family and some close friends and business associates.

However, being the poster child for depression has me frightened.

One of my Peer Advocates suggested that perhaps talking about my depression with the world would help others, while it helped me too. The first time I heard that idea, I thought “no way.” Speaking about my relationship with depression in a group meeting was one thing. Going global with my depression is something altogether different.

Now, putting my name to my depression is feeling like the next step in my recovery.

READ: Just Me and My Depression

I need to explore this more. Having learned so many great tools from SMART recovery and WRAP, I can find one, or several that can help me look at this without the bias depression insists I use. Depression is feeling lonely these days.

If “coming out” is the next step in my leading a balanced life with depression, I must be strong enough to do it.

My concealed depression is written under the alias “Depression is not my boss.” I have certifications in SMART Recovery and am a Global Career Development Facilitator.

Diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder last year, I am sharing what I learn. If you know someone who might benefit from reading this, please share. 

I very much appreciate your comments.

Filed Under: Coping Statements for Depression, Facts and myths about mental illness, Featured Home, Medication, Self Care, SMART - Self Management And Recovery Training, Some days I feel like myself, The cost of success, therapy, Unhelpful thinking, WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) Tagged With: Ask better questions, concealed depression, depression, depression and anxiety, depression is not my boss, depressionisreal, High-functioning depression, Major Depressive Disorder, my concealed depression, Perfectly Hidden Depression, Stigma, unhealthy thinking styles, unhelpful thinking styles

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

Joel Natl Career Fair Bio Pic he's using for my concealed depressionHello, I am Joel Quas 

In April 2019, I was diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder with suicidal ideation. By writing things out, I am learning more about my relationship with depression. 

Joel’s Next Book

The US has a a new 988 system that grabs location, not just area code.
https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Why I was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep while I had Depression

The Time When I Was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep

May 30, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Why Does JetBlue Keeps Pushing Back Our Return Flight?

May 6, 2025 By Depression Is Not My Boss

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Best Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs - OnToplist.com
RSS Search

All my posts – Be careful, some of my older posts could be triggers

  • June 2025
  • May 2025
  • April 2025
  • March 2025
  • February 2025
  • January 2025
  • December 2024
  • November 2024
  • October 2024
  • September 2024
  • August 2024
  • July 2024
  • June 2024
  • May 2024
  • April 2024
  • March 2024
  • February 2024
  • January 2024
  • December 2023
  • November 2023
  • October 2023
  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • Why My Life Is Going Sideways
  • The Time When I Was Jack Strawcastle, Master Chimney Sweep
  • Why Does JetBlue Keeps Pushing Back Our Return Flight?
  • Why Was My Therapist Chuckling At What I Said?
  • Hurry Up And Wait

Search

Products

  • Evergreen is the story of my life with major depressive disorder. I write to learn more about my mental health Share The Journey As I Write My Next Book - draft "Evergreen"
  • The Six Second Cover Letter™ The Six Second Cover Letter™ $19.99 Original price was: $19.99.$0.00Current price is: $0.00.
  • 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages $14.99
  • 5 gratitude coloring pages from my concealed depression to help reduce anxiety and depression Five - Gratitude Coloring Pages $9.99
  • The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course] The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course]

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma