• Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar
  • Skip to footer
  • Home
  • About
  • Mental Health Resources
    • Depression Resources
  • Blog
    • Coping
    • Medication
    • Self Care
    • Stress and Anxiety
    • Unhelpful thinking
      • Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda
      • Fortune-Telling
      • Guilt and Shame
      • Time Travel
    • Sleep Issues
    • Depression
    • Covid19
    • Suicide & Self-Harm
    • Wellness Tools
      • SMART – Self Management And Recovery Training
      • WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan)
      • Change Triangle
  • Contact
  • SHOP

Turnaround
You are here: Home / Featured Home / Surviving Depression and Thriving as I Write My 200th Blog Post

Surviving Depression and Thriving as I Write My 200th Blog Post

December 15, 2019 by Depression Is Not My Boss 1 Comment

My Concealed Depression has written 200 blog posts about livng with and learning about depression

I’m still alive and able to make choices about my life!

Approaching my 200th blog post, I went back and read some of my earlier posts. Boy, I was really a mess. In some ways I still am.

Here’s part of what I wrote on my 100th blog post:

That first morning, I was told by professionals in the medical community that there was hope. They told me the medicine would help, the therapy would help, the tools they shared would help. But all of that was in the future. That Sunday morning all I felt was emptiness and that I was alone. I still mostly saw the wall, with no clear or real path forward.

100 days later, I am surrounded by a support network that continues to grow, and the future is brighter than ever.

This is a feeling that grew on me as the medicine started to work, the therapy sessions began to make sense, and the self-help tools I was given and found, began to work. It is still a struggle, at times. Depression is sneaky. It is secretive and sly. It often acts like my friend, treating me to lavish meals, then runs out when the bill is due, leaving me to do the dishes to pay it off.

So, I continue to learn, to ask questions, to keep depression out in the open where I can see it.

READ THE ENTIRE 100th BLOG POST

Now let’s go back even further.  I wrote this a few days after getting out of the hospital.

“I’ve been thinking about unhelpful thinking styles.“

And I really should, because that is what put me up against the wall.

It was all or nothing, no shades of grey anywhere on the horizon. No visible way forward. That thinking landed me in the emergency room.

Solutions that I thought up I magnified, blowing them out of proportion. Either way, I underestimated the good or way overestimated the bad. Like “how can I talk to family about this, they won’t understand.” Ok, I think I’m back to all or nothing thinking.

In the hospital, one of the workshop sessions I attended covered Unhelpful Thinking Styles. I think the only one I have not used is Labeling. At least I steered clear of assigning labels to myself or others. You know, “I’m stupid” or I’m completely useless.” But nine out of ten isn’t a great score when zero is the goal.

That morning, in my mind, I had three choices. First, I could commit suicide and end it. But I’ve never acted on those thoughts and as I say “I’m too competitive. I want to see 100.” My second choice was to keep doing what I had been doing and hope for a different result. Just before going to the emergency room to seek help, that did not seem like much of a plan.

That left me with choice three, seek professional attention. I only chose that because it was slightly less frightening than choice number two. So, I got a shower, put on clean clothes, and headed for the emergency room.

It was almost 48 hours later that I first began to see a path forward. Up against the wall was easing.

READ THE ENTIRE POST: Up Against the Wall

Over the past 200 days, I have soared towards the heavens and descended to the depths of the abyss.  

Knowing that the journey is just beginning, I am clearer than ever that this is a life-long endeavor. To keep depression at bay, for me, I need to see it. I need to call it out, to do everything in my power to keep it from getting me to be secretive, untrusting of others.

With this 200th post, I am more committed than ever to building a balanced life.

I am more committed than ever to making sure Depression is not my boss, that “I have depression, depression does not have me.” The prospects for my future look good, but that doesn’t mean I can relax just yet. My journey is far from over and the tools I am learning are not yet fully ingrained into my psyche.

To that end, I am taking classes in SMART Recovery to further my understanding of the resources I have available to me.

While the certifications give me the opportunity to help facilitate meetings, my goal, right now, is my own self-care. I have written about that process at length and will continue to as I grapple with the subtleties of developing my own self-care routines.

Thank you for your support on my journey.

The tools I have gotten, the support I have received from my Doctors, Psychiatrists, my therapist, Peer Advocates, family, and friends is priceless.  And I want to thank everyone at On Our Own and at Region 10 for their help and for making me feel welcome and safe.

My next milestone may well be the first anniversary of my hospitalization for Major Depressive Disorder.

I can tell you the road has not been smooth or straight. But the alternatives pale in comparison to the path I have chosen. If you are facing these choices, know there is help available in many forms. And seeking help is a choice. Remember, it took me 43+ years to choose to face my depression.

But now that I have chosen to say Depression is not my Boss, there is no going back.

READ MORE: 22 Coping Statements that will make you less anxious

Filed Under: Featured Home, Self Care, SMART - Self Management And Recovery Training, The cost of success, therapy, Unhelpful thinking, What depression has cost me, WRAP (Wellness Recovery Action Plan) Tagged With: 200th blog post, depression, depression and anxiety, Major Depressive Disorder, mental health, On Our Own, SMART Recovery, unhealthy thinking styles, unhelpful thinking styles, up against the wall

Reader Interactions

Leave a Reply Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Primary Sidebar

I write My Concealed Depression to create Mental Health AwarenessHello, I am Joel. I have Major Depressive Disorder. As I meet others with mental illness, they often tell me they feel alone.

With 40+ years of living with concealed depression, I write my blog to let others know you are not alone. Others are going through the same things.

And I write to share what I am learning so you and I can lead a balanced life.

https://myconcealeddepression.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/10/my-concealed-depression-intro.mp4
  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Pinterest

More to See

The startling truth about coping statements for anxiety and depression

The Startling Truth About Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 28, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

My 101 Coping Strategies for Anxiety

My 101 Best Coping Statements For Anxiety and Depression

October 18, 2020 By Depression Is Not My Boss

I write to understand my depression and thereby lead a balanced life.

Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?

September 2, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Even as I have MDD or concealed depression, I am wondering what makes me the happiest

What Would Make Me the Happiest?

August 14, 2023 By Depression Is Not My Boss

Are You Getting Enough Sleep?

You Never Pay More, Yet Clicking These Links And Making a Purchase Helps Fund My Blog

PureFormulas.com-Pure Healthy Goodness, Highest-Grade Natural Supplements! Fast, Free Shipping!
Mosaic 250x250
Blog Meets Brand
Best Self Improvement & Personal Development Blogs - OnToplist.com
RSS Search

Blog posts that go back to my 5 East time over 4 years ago

  • September 2023
  • August 2023
  • July 2023
  • June 2023
  • May 2023
  • April 2023
  • March 2023
  • February 2023
  • January 2023
  • December 2022
  • November 2022
  • October 2022
  • September 2022
  • July 2022
  • June 2022
  • May 2022
  • April 2022
  • March 2022
  • February 2022
  • January 2022
  • December 2021
  • November 2021
  • October 2021
  • September 2021
  • August 2021
  • July 2021
  • June 2021
  • April 2021
  • March 2021
  • February 2021
  • January 2021
  • December 2020
  • November 2020
  • October 2020
  • September 2020
  • August 2020
  • July 2020
  • June 2020
  • May 2020
  • April 2020
  • March 2020
  • February 2020
  • January 2020
  • December 2019
  • November 2019
  • October 2019
  • September 2019
  • August 2019
  • July 2019
  • June 2019
  • May 2019
  • April 2019

Footer

Contact

Email:  my.concealed.depression@gmail.com

Privacy Policy

Recent

  • September marks #SuicidePreventionMonth
  • Is Being Too Busy to Write a Good Thing?
  • What Would Make Me the Happiest?
  • I’m Still Pushing That Rock Up the Same Hill
  • My Depression Has Me Falling in and Out of Love

Search

Products

  • The Six Second Cover Letter™ $19.99
  • 10 Page Gratitude Coloring Pages $14.99
  • 5 gratitude coloring pages from my concealed depression to help reduce anxiety and depression Five - Gratitude Coloring Pages $9.99
  • The One Secret That Lands Your Dream Job[Course]
  • Write This Down, You'll Need It Later[Amazon]

© Copyright 2020 · My Concealed Depression · All Rights Reserved · Designed by The Marketing Momma